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Larry the Cable Guy: Worst Comedian in History?
Larry the Cable Guy is a Moron!
And I'm saying this with absolutely no spite towards him for the fact that such a worthless sister-fucking inbred piece of shit could make it on television while Omen and I have to run our campaign off the air. I'm saying this entirely based on the fact that this guy wouldn't know good comedy if it cupchecked him.
I saw a DVD of his "greatest" shit the other day at a friend's house, and during the two hours I endured that bullshit for, there was only one occasion where I laughed. Don't get misled by that: It was partly a laugh of pity after it was over, and partly a laugh towards myself for wasting two fucking hours watching that horseshit! I have never been even more compelled to shoot someone in my life, which is really bad considering I hate guns and would rather butcher someone with a sword than shoot them with a gun. Maybe it's because I want him to die faster than most people so I don't have to hear "Get 'er done" ever again.
My anger would have slowly subsided from that point if they had not gotten in "Larry the Cable Guy" lighters at my work and stuck me on cashier duty for the past two weeks. You do not know the horrors I have been exposed to. The horrors, I say! Every three fucking seconds someone has to open the lighter lid, wait for Larry's most overused puncline, then laugh "Hey, dis guy' funny... *retarded laugh*"
I find it fitting that the scum of the earth that crawl from Suncoast (a neighborhood in my town filled with inbred dog-fuckers and an assortment of disgusting people) would find his bullshit humorous. Maybe that's his target audience: people who are too mutated and stupid to classify as humans. And you know what? He fits right in with all of them.
Normally this would be the part where I mention how horrible his movie was, but I refuse to go see that movie. If "Larry the Cable Guy - Health Inspector" didn't sound stupid enough, the premise of the movie just stomps it further down the shithole. One of the advertisement slogans was "They'll give a badge to anyone." I think they should make it more fitting and change it to "They'll give a horrible fucking movie based off of nothing and so fucking pointless and stupid that it will render anyone gullible enough to watch this horrible abomination so insane that they will immediately pull out machetes and go on massacres in the name of the great Shit Lord, Darth Benedict... to anyone."
If anyone was suckered into watching his movie, his comedy act, or anything else he might've ruined with his mere presence, I deeply apologize from the bottom of my heart (yes, that black pulsating ball of hatred) and wish you a speedy recovery.
If anyone didn't catch it: I built in a scapegoat for myself. If anyone complains that this article is horrible in any way, I can point to the image and say he ruined it with his mere presence.
Aside: I'm so fucking sorry I disgraced my website with that picture.
lol, I can't believe people actually think him and Booze-Buddies are even remotely funny.... The only person I thought was even halfway comical in the original Blue collar tour was Ron white... These people basically sell themselves out so that they can look stupid and not realize it themselves...
WE'RE LAUGHING AT YOU, NOT WITH YOU DUMBASSES!!!!!
Personally, I think it would be fitting to strangle him with the microphone, drag him behind a rusty old pickup truck for ten miles, then dump his ass in the middle of a trailor park.
lol, That'd work, the trailer kids could use his bulbous gut as a trampoline... at least till he decomposes, or a kid get lost in it... Either or really
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