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Hurricane Survival Tips: Floridians are Racist
Stories like this make me proud to have been born in Bakersfield, California and not one of the many sludge-filled craters you people commonly refer to as "the many cities of Florida." If you're reading this and live in Florida, then YES... this does apply to you as well.
Hurricane Ernesto. You heard the name last week... and probably didn't give it much thought. Hell, I didn't either. But it just so happened to be the day before Ernesto was projected to hit Florida that my dad wanted me to accompany him to help my Uncle Step hurricane-proof his house.
Now, the trip to my Uncle's house was a hilarious story in it's own respect. But, unfortunately, I don't feel like writing it right now, so let me summarize it like this: my dad road-raged, and he yelled at a bunch of retarded fucking bastards who can't drive to save their asses. At one point, he got cut off by a semi at a redlight (there were traffic cones) so he made an illegal right turn and yelled "HEY SAVE-A-LOT!! SUCK A DICK!!" and drove off in the direction the truck was headed, leaving the imbred bastard in his dust.
Back to the story, when the hurricane-proofing was over with, we drove past a few dozen gas stations (we went out towards Lehigh Acres, which is about 10 or 12 miles from my house) packed full of dumbasses scrambling to get their gasoline. I'm not kidding, we saw about three fights and there were lines about 20+ cars long at each pay-at-the-pump station.
So my dad gets a bright idea. He drives down Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd (If you don't know what this is, you're either a country bumpkin or you live outside the U.S. In either case, it's basically the ghetto-est place in the city). Lo' and behold, an empty gas station with working gas pumps and sufficient supplies of gasoline.
As a result of racist Floridians, we got our gas without having to wait in line... at all. So here's a tip to keep in mind before, during, and after natural disasters: most people, not just Floridians, are racist, sexist, or somehow prejudice in some way. You can use this bias against them to survive... that is, of course, assuming that the natural disaster is actually a threat and isn't just an overhyped rainshower.
lol, we usually dont have natural disasters in Alabama... the occasional Tornado... (In which there is no point in evacuating... Your pretty much screwed..) and a minor flood every decade lol
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