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If you ever have the misfortune of driving through Florida for any reason, you will undoubtedly encounter this jewel of arrogance, piety, and stupidity:
The pro-life movement has their own exclusive state endorsement in the form of a license plate. How cute, in the juvenile kind of way. What ever happened to neutrality? Gone are the days when the concept of keeping personal beliefs and government policy separate didn't get you branded as a "naive liberal."
To make matters worse, Christian groups are trying to push another vanity license plate through the legislature that features the corpse of some guy who lived 2,000 years ago and is not at all relevant to modern politics. Chances are, it will be approved and sold to every insecure Christian in the state, and I'll have to stare at historically inaccurate depictions of the mythological cosmic Jewish zombie on my way to school every day.
So, in the interest of fairness, I would like to propose my own vanity license plate designs. After all, if you're going to use state resources to market and sell vanity license plates that promote particular religious and political views, then you should be required to do the same for all other religious or political views, no matter how ridiculous or immoral. I think you know where this is going.
Despite popular misconception, the opposite of "pro life" is not "pro choice," but rather "pro death." As a member of the Mortality Party, we want abortions to not only be an option, but mandatory for parents who both have an IQ below 130. We are also rabid proponents of using the death penalty for even minor crimes. Trespassing? Zap! Spit on the sidewalk? Zap! Look suspicious in front of a police officer? Euthanized! If the pro-lifers get their own vanity license plate, it's only fair that we get one too!
If people who believe the words of savages that claimed every animal on Earth lived within walking distance of Noah's house want to have an "I Believe" license plate, in the interest of fairness I believe that Florida should also let the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster have their own license plate. After all, both beliefs are equally ridiculous. An anthropomorphic, all-powerful, perfect being who created imperfection versus a giant monster made out of spaghetti. Though if you ask me, the less self-refuting deity is a safer bet.
If the government is supposed to be separate from religion and fair to all religious and political views, and the government is selling vanity license plates advocating political and/or religious ideologies, then the government should sell vanity license plates for every single possible political and/or religious view. I propose that every Floridian draw their own license plate design up and submit it to the state legislature. But wait, wouldn't that put an incredible burden on the state's legislature and possibly the state's license plate factories? That's the idea. If Florida wants to avoid a lawsuit, they need to be all-inclusive or all-exclusive.
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