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It has been brought to my attention that some people are not blessed with my talents for deduction or observation. To put it plainly, most of you gloss over the glaringly obvious and then give a blank stare when someone brings it to your attention because you're too fucking stupid to comprehend painfully simple concepts, such as consistency. Luckily for you, I'm here helping dipshits such as yourself digest what to anyone with half a functioning brain would be apparent and criminally elementary.
Let's begin with a simple test. If you can spot the absurdity of this advertisement in under 30 seconds, you aren't a complete fucking idiot:
Give up? Of course you do. First, it equates "respectable girls" with "True Christian" girls. As opposed to False Christian? And how do they know? Is there a test that separates True Believers™ from False Believers? Upon which denomination is this test based? And if it's nondenominational, why the fuck include the "True" modifier to begin with? Oh, and I'm not done. This is just the first layer of the rotten onion of absurdity that is this shitty advertisement. As mentioned above, it implies that "True Christian" is a requirement for "respectable," because there is no such thing as a respectable nonbeliever, right? And here's the real kicker: The advertisement is for a dating website; wherein the laziest social rejects with disposable income go to have a one-night stand with a complete stranger. You would be hard-pressed to find anyone worthy of respect (hence, "respectable") on their shitty service. This truly is a festering pile of bullshit.
Speaking of bullshit, on the way to school today I noticed a sign on the sidewalk that read "Buckle up" then flashed to "School is in session." What the hell is the point of that? Those are two mutually exclusive ideas. People are legally required to fasten their seatbelts in Florida. What does school being in session have to do with that? Are they implying that public safety is only a concern while children are wasting away in one of the many government-funded brainwashing centers? To make matters worse, the buses they load the kids into as if they were about to ship them off to Auschwitz don't even have seatbelts. There's no logical consistency on any level!
And before any of you sniveling shits click "Compose" to send me a nasty letter for comparing public education to the concentration camps of Nazi Germany, I mean no slander towards the concentration camps. Public schools exist for the sole purpose of shaping what could potentially be the upstanding risk-taking leaders of tomorrow into mindless obedient cowards whose greatest fear is being sent to the Principal's office for a stern talking-to. Then come the clubs and the programs to give people the illusion of being special while their individuality gets sucked right out of them. I remember being in the "gifted" program throughout elementary and middle school. What a pinched loaf that was. Having a high IQ doesn't mean shit, and it sure as hell doesn't make you "gifted." You are only "gifted" when you're talented in something you also feel passionate about. Very few people are passionate about the bullshit they teach in primary schools, even if they are talented in it; so the whole "gifted" label is a farce.
You know what else deserves the "farce" qualifier? Any politician, talk-show host, preacher, public speaker, or otherwise limp-dick idiot who makes exaggerated claims about bills being deliberated by Congress who haven't read the goddamn bill they're making claims about. It's one thing to make ridiculous extrapolations and slippery slope fallacies based on the contents of the proposal, it's another to not even read the damned thing and just make shit up. The most recent example of the unwashed masses violating this simple and agreeable principle (namely, having an informed opinion) manifested as opposition to President Obama's health care bill. To those turd-lobbing simians, I have but one thing to say: Read. You might learn something, you ignorant pricks.
While we're on the subject of ignorant pricks, why do so many churches insist of having those stupid signs with movable letters? It's not like they use the signs to post information regarding public events, weddings, or funerals. Instead, these tax-exempt political brainwashing centers for the Theocratic Party piss their sign real-estate away by posting some poorly thought out political message. Half the time, the blurbs aren't even coherent. I guess using proper grammar isn't required for a Ph.D in Bullshitting the Public. If it was, the people who offered the degrees wouldn't exactly be living up to the worthless degrees they hand out. (Well, maybe not worthless. $2,000 is probably closer.) Bible College is a mere step above Telescamgelism.
Of course, I can't end a virulent rampage against the essence of pure stupidity lodged deep within our society that is slowly giving me ulcers without mentioning people who wear shorts down to their kneecaps. It takes every bit of self-restraint I have not to kick someone as hard as I can in the Achilles' tendon every time I see them dress like a retarded prison bitch. Unless you're waving your ass around hoping some gay guy will give you a pity fuck, pull your fucking pants up. You look ridiculous in ways that defy language!
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