First, I never even implied that I've ever killed anyone before. Where you drew that conclusion, I wouldn't know. I like how you hint at the obvious by saying, "Why aren't you in jail?" then immediately return to "expert on killing ppl." Oh sure, Joe; I kill lots of ppl. Are ppl anything like people, you dumb fuck?

I also like how you snuck that jab at my patriotism in there. You bring up an excellent point: Why don't I go join the terrorists? After all: Possibly overweight webmasters who advocate independent thought are synonymous with radical religious fanatics who burn American flags and make picket signs that say, "Behead those who insult Islam." Right?

Ironically, you then threaten to "bludgunn" me with a bat and then say "homicide isn't funny and you shouldn't be writing about it like that." What?! What the hell gives YOU the right to sit there and make idle, unfulfillable threats in a poorly-written email addressed to me at 3 hours past your bed-time while I can't make a general statement about my opinion on my personal website?

Then, you completely derail whatever momentum you have built up throughout your email and decide to defend all rednecks for my criticism of five country songs. Are you telling me that the entire redneck population lives vicariously through those five songs? If so, you're just reinforcing my point that they are ALWAYS on the radio.

People like you are the reason there are songs playing every day at my work in which the singers get lazy and uncreative so they take a dump on the English language to make the songs rhyme smoothly. "I know I'm a lucky man... God's given me a puh-ur-fect. Got a house and a piece of land..." I know those aren't the official lyrics, but that's what the asshole Montgomery Gentry is singing at my work every twenty fucking minutes-- and it's all because inbred shit-for-brains like you shop at the store I work at.

If you decide to give me a follow-up email, at least take the time to spell-check it. You're using hotmail; the tools are there-- you just have to be 10% smarter than the piece of equipment you're working with. Then again, that advice is wasted on an imbecile.

P.S. A virgin faggot is somewhat of an oxymoron. Trying to combine two un-like insults into one compound burn cancels each-other out and makes you look like an emo jock. See how ineffective that was?

You do have a point, though. If I don't like it here, why don't I move out? How about the fact that I'm still in High School, live with my parents, and don't have a car or a full time job to pay for travel expenses? Or maybe the fact that I'm not a pussy that runs away from problems, be it mine or the area I live in.

Your barely-intelligible hatemail would almost make you seem like you have at least two brain cells that bump together every now and then, but then you pissed that away by saying the Tampa Buccaneers rule. I have a better argument for whether or not they rule: Who gives a shit? What difference does it make in the world if they win or lose the next game? Maybe you'll be out two-hundred bucks, but for the rest of the world we have more important shit than trying to live vicariously through a sports team that couldn't rush a toddler.

Let me ask you a question, "Sinceraly a fucking idiot:" If there's so much to do in Florida, why did you have the free time to sit on your fat ass typing a half-witted email? Why don't you scuttle off to play shuffleboard with the folks at the retirement home or check out the babes (see: saggy-tit whales) at the beach? Is being an idiot so important to you that you forsake the wild, adventurous yet picturesque and heavenly life of this paradise of Florida? Or is it because you're in denial about living in an industrialized swamp whose economy is supported by selling overpriced homes to elderly people who want to move here to die and make the young people's lives miserable? Either way, a window-licker like you has no place on my website.

Another thing: I clearly stated, "After I'm done with college, I'm moving the hell out of this hole unless they pass legislation that everyone over the age of 65 is considered "near death" and the demand for Kevorkians skyrockets." You would have to be beyond stupid to think I'm an old person.

Now with that out of the way, let's move on. After trying to call me 10 years old (because everyone knows that how old you are dictates how smart you are in every conceivable instance with no exceptions), you move on to the most generic, overused insult I've ever received: Maddox ripoff.

How in the hell am I ripping off Maddox? Okay yes, I use the "witty comment after the hit counter" idea. But here's a newsflash for you: Maddox isn't the only person on the internet to try and use their hit counter to say something creative. I'm not stealing his articles or opinions, so I'm not ripping anyone off.

But I'm a nice guy, Joe Smiley. In fact, I'm so nice that I'm going to share a little-known fact about my Stats page. Open it in a new window and get a good look at it so the shock doesn't kill you. Are you ready?

That page is in ALPHABETICAL ORDER you stupid putz!

Not only were you able to analyze my writing and guess my age to be about half what it really is, but you also glossed right over this glaringly-obvious fact? Congratulations, idiot!

You can't make up this kind of stupidity. I have a separate page for anyone who wants to see which page has the most hits. If you wanted to find it outside of this mention, you just had to click on "Misc."

As for the 404 errors, if you find one let me know what page lead to it and I'll fix it. As far as I'm aware, there are none (well, none that don't involve you not knowing how to use a god damn web browser).

I can't help but notice that all of your questions are poised towards my personal life (in particular: my sex life). "But the killer is you don't REALLY hate them..." Bullshit. I can't fucking stand people who are dumber than me and don't even make an effort to hold a mature, intelligent conversation. Where I live, this is almost everybody.

"I could totally get you laid man, you seem ok." Wow, that needs context; otherwise it sounds like you're stalking me.

It is not right to try to change someones mind on a topic that so obviously only helps people.

I'm sorry, Your Majesty. I suppose, following your logic, that we should axe all the Truth commercials because smoking is a form of stress relief for some people-- and stress relief obviously helps them. Right?

Onto the actual email: keep your thoughts to yourself, can't it be enough being content in knowing that you've realized something most people have yet to grasp, why broadcast it to the world. it can be your little secret that you share with a few others.

What's the point in having an idea if you don't express it or make anything out of it? Why didn't we tell Einstein to keep his ideas to himself? "Hey Einstein, you've realized something that most people have yet to grasp. Why broadcast it to the world? (It can be your little secret that you share with a few others.)" Oh, right: The scientific and technological advancements.

I'm not comparing myself to Einstein, but your logic is flawed and suppressive toward ideas.

America is only great because the Christians made it that way? I was pretty sure Thomas Jefferson was a deist, Albert Einstein was a pantheist, and Thomas Edison and Carl Sagan were both atheists, and there is no mention of any god in our Constitution. Evolution is only accepted in america? Bullshit. Other religions were only allowed in America because of Christian love? Downright lie.

If scientists are so stupid and hippocritic, why are you sitting in front of a computer (an invention that resulted from the work of the homosexual Englishman, Alan Turing), drinking clean water, and not sweating your ass off? The computer, water filtration process, and air conditioner would not exist without science. Want to live a Christian lifestyle? Move into a castle and drink your own shit like everyone did in the 1300s!

Christians didn't start and run it all; they were the downfall of the Native Americans! The Natives had a rich and successful culture for thousands of years, and you Christian bastards shit all over it with your syphilis and vermin.

Shudup you sniffling little wimp the only think that is a Kobra about you is the label on you beer bottle, we know your kind all talk and real application, your kind is what rap people call (and I dont listen to rap) bets buddy packs you'll do nothing for yourself but send the next man to do it, as a matter 'O' fact I bet your the sort that uses a Micky Finn to prove you have some sort of superior skill when it boils down to mano amano. who the in all of what is holy do you really think you are, I bet I see you everyday when I go through town your probably even a homosexual bitch faggot who drops his colours and run of leaving his brother to die on the field and then claim it was through you that the glory came.

You sniffling little coward why don't you make an arrangement to meet me so I can show you what burning crosses for your anti christ view is about, us you little wimp two thousand years before you were born we were slaying bitches like you, all talk and now blood on your hands, when was the last time you land a hand on your enemy, I bet he's got more balls than you, I bet your an conscientious objector, shudup wimp about Kobra I bet you afraid of grass snakes (what some cheese guess who just got caught?) shudup you sniffling wimp the only thing that is not bullshit is the fact the is this, DO NOT STEAL
                           DO NOT COMMITT ADULTRY
                           RESPECT F PROPERTY
                           MARRIAGE
                           LEGAL JUSTICE
                           STATE ORDER
                           WISDOM AND JUSTICE

WELFARE , SEVEN CORPORAL WORKS OF MERCY: TO FEED YOUR HUNGRY
                                                      GIVE WATER TO YOUR THIRSTY
                                                      CLOTH YOUR NAKED
                                                      SHELTER YOUR HOMLESS
                                                      VISIT YOUR SICK
                                                      VISIT YOUR IMPRISONED
                                                      BURY YOUR DEAD.

THE SEVEN SPIRITUAL WORKS OF MERCY: COUNSEL THE DOUBTFUL
                                                      INSTRUCT THE IGNORANT (you)
                                                      ABDMONISH SINNERS.
                                                      COMFORT THE AFFLICTED
                                                      FORGIVE THE OFFENCES
                                                      BEAR WRONGS PATIENTLY
                                                      PRAY FOR THE LIVING AND THE DEAD

Getting the picture yet religion reshaped moral in our society had religion not taken the place of paganism you would probably be dead because there would be nothing to stop me killing you, since you sound like a big bark with no bite. The law in which the strongest ruled when the crusades returned and establish order of new belief not jewish but of Christendom your great great great forebarer who might have been weak, found protection in us. all these laws which you live by were not found on your athiest political doctrine is was found on the Chruch, you gobby little mouse thing I bet you could not even blow you nose without help from nanny. yeah were are then. I hate people like you, you remind me of a once friend every time he had to change his childs dyper he pouked up just could not hold it in all a bit much for his gutts, here's another the thinkm of.

THE SEVEN GIFTS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT: WISDOM
                                                       UNDERSTANDING
                                                      COUNSEL
                                                      FORTITUDE
                                                      KNOWLEDGE (you)
                                                      PIETY
                                                      FEAR OF THE LORD(you)
I can bet you dont have children? I could go on forever and I am not going to spell check it will give you it will give you something consructive to do friggin mouthy little wimp anytime you want really challage a Christain warrior just email I would be more than happy to teach you a physical lesson of respect you sniffling little ant turd.

Let me tell you a story: There was once a man, born of a virgin, who began to make prophecies and spread gospel at the age of 30. He healed the sick, raised the dead, died on the cross, and was reborn three days later. Jesus? Hell no. I'm talking about the Egyptian god, Horus. Or perhaps the Zoroastrian god, Mithra. The shared components of all of these virgin-born "son of god" deities forms a metaphor for an astronomical phenomenon. On the winter solstice (December 21), the sun falls into the Southern Cross. For three days, the days remain short in the Northern hemisphere, and on December 25 the days begin to grow longer as Spring approaches. To primitive sun-worshipers who often suffered through famines and plagues during the long winter months, the sun literally died and was reborn three days later. Upon the return of the sun, the days gradually became longer and the crop cycle begins again. The entire story of Jesus is a recycled pagan metaphor.

So let me ask you this: If so much "good" came from Christianity, why is there nothing in the Bible about Physics? Or Calculus? Or, hell, why not basic water sanitation, crop rotation, or fundamental chemistry? Do you drink water, Jaun? Does it taste relatively clean? Thank science for that one. Science, by definition, must remain agnostic of all alleged supernatural phenomenon (while striving to find naturalistic explanations for them, of course). Try as we might, neither Christians nor Atheists (that's the correct spelling, by the way) can claim science in their ideologies. On another note, atheist belief systems are more closely based on science than ANY organized religion.

Your religion is the result of thousands of years of plagiarism and oppression. I find it ironic that you call me ignorant while claiming that Christianity is the reason welfare and a lawful society exist. I noticed a distinct lack of evidence, research, citations, or grammar in your email. Do some research, dipshit. You might want to start with Strunk and White.

Hello voodookobra,

Or should I say, Scott Arciszewski. Is that Polish? Typical, a fatass American and a Polish cunt rolled into one. No wonder you're such an asshole. O wait--how did I find out your identity? It's not hard you stupid fuck. You didn't cover your tracks well did you? Listen, dick. I'm just about sick of all your shit on the internet. And I'm sick of you. The sight of your photos makes my stomach turn, but I have many of them saved for a good reason. Want proof? Just two of them as a taster are attachments in this e-mail.

Now here's the deal. I'm sick of your bullshit, so I want your website gone. True, that won't remove all of the over crap you posted online while your stomach grew, but it'll get rid of the main source of your BS articles. I want you to remove all of the content from your site and have your site's URL (www.kobrascorner.com) lead to a white, near-blank HTML document with an apology to "Skulking Menace" for all of the crap you've written during your angsty years.

Refuse? Do you really want your identity and the rest of your photos posted all over the internet? Naw, that's not so bad, is it? Well, what about mommy and daddy? I bet they'd love to read about the articles you've written. Especially the one in which you slag off your entire family. Oh, and I do know the names of your family members... Kelly is the name of your unfortunate mother. (She looks pretty fine, such a shame she had to raise such a little (or big!) bastard.) Gary is your father. Shall I continue?

I can reach a good amount of your family with two clicks. I will happily send them all the shit you've written, and I've archived everything, from your articles, personal information and photos, to the contact information for your family.

You have until Tuesday to remove your abomination of a webpage. That gives you today to weep, and tomorrow to perform the removal. Speaking of "perform", I bet that's something you've never done with another person. Why don't you go and lose some weight and get yourself a life? I'm doing you a favour.

Now that we've gotten the bitter sarcasm out of the way, here is a short list of everything wrong with your email and the implicit reasoning contained within it:

1. You assume I give a fuck if people know who I am, what I look like, or any of that shit; like I only write the things I do because of the keyboard courage associated with anonymity. The sad fact here is that I don't care. So what if people can identify me and put a face to the things I write? It might help some people relate to my writing better. I choose to use a pseudonym to separate my personal life from my online bullshit, not due to some irrational fear of people reacting badly to the things I say. Fuck them. The premise behind Kobra's Corner is for me to express myself honestly. Being identifiable will not take away from that because I am not a coward.
2. You assume other people would care about my name, family, or appearance. They don't. I'm not exactly in Alexa's Top 500. You can waste your time, effort, and resources posting up pictures of my admittedly not-too-attractive visage if you want, but nobody besides you is going to give a fuck. And you can't claim "Well I'm doing it for myself" either because if you were, you wouldn't be trying to use the pictures from my mom's Myspace page as leverage.
3. You assume my parents are unaware of my website, and/or that they would disapprove of it. On the contrary, my entire family is completely aware of Kobra's Corner. My parents have said, unprompted, that if science doesn't work out I might have a career in writing. Are they biased? You bet. But they have read my entire archives, all 415 pages of bullshit ranging from boredom to angsty whining to logical analysis. Nothing you could tell them would be a surprise, and they would just laugh at you for being pathetic if you tried.
4. And finally, you assume that, even if all the previous assumptions weren't bogus, I would for a second consider deleting my website at the behest of some random jerk-off who thinks I can be blackmailed by information that anyone capable of typing or speaking has access to.

• I live with both of my parents, who have been together for well over 21 years. That puts me in the minority of people who weren't raised in a broken home. Jealous?
• I am not very sensitive about being fat. I make fun of myself because of this constantly despite recently taking measures to lose weight. If I can't laugh at myself, I don't deserve to laugh at others.
• I know how to "cover my tracks." I just choose not to because I have nothing to hide. Hell, I even put my real name on all outgoing emails.
• Intimidation doesn't work on me, or anyone in my family for that matter. All you do is make us want to keep doing what you hate to spite you more.