I told him I don't believe in that shit, and he immediately got confounded, because he apparently hadn't heard of agnosticism before. At one point, he asked me if that was a new sect of the Church of Satan. I shit you not. Just thinking about that question is giving me aneurysms and migraines.

So this begs the question: what the hell are they teaching people in churches nowadays? Last time I went to church, they were bitching and moaning about how one church will permanently close its doors every week. If your religion wasn't comparable to a sack of soggy dicks, then churches would stay open. But, sadly for you zealous idiots, that will never be the case.

Back to the story, the old man persisted to imply that Christianity was the "true way," and that I just "don't know what I'm missing out on." But then, I immediately shit-canned his accusation and told him, "No, I've read the Bible. Cover-to-cover, in one sitting, and without someone else telling me how to interpret it; in fact. And that's why I don't believe in it." An interesting fact: most Atheists know the bible better than most Christians do. Don't believe me? Just ask the good folks at Evil Bible what they think about some obscure passage of scripture and see the responses you get.

Eventually, he got the hint and left. You can't win an argument with the well-informed, and you can't win an argument against science with scripture quoted from a book written by cattle-worshipping primitives who thought every animal in the world lived within walking distance of Noah's house. Atheists love nothing better than to reinforce this point every chance they get, but it's all in vain because the Bible doesn't mention anything about common sense, so they don't have any.

But atheists aren't perfect, either. Some atheists can come across as close-minded and, in truth, they are. Any hint of religion or faith will set them off like a fire alarm in the World Trade Center. Even if it's not being shoved directly down their throats.

Oh, you want to personally and introspectively acknowledge the possibility of anything at all? Can't let you do that, because there's no scientific evidence to back it up. To be fair- no, wait. We can't do that one. You lose due to lack of scientific evidence to reinforce your beliefs. In many ways, Christians and Atheists are just as bad. Christians are eager to show you the error of your ways in not finding Christ, and Atheists are eager to show you the error of your ways in not being Atheistic.

That's where the beauty of agnosticism comes in. Agnostics don't believe in crusading for their beliefs, for agnostics have none. They just say, "We don't know. Leave it at that," and go along on their merry way. An agnostic person will never try to convert you to to/from any religion, nor should you do the same.

As for the "Church of Satan" remark, most non-worship forms of "Satanism" are similar to paganism, in that they advocate personal development and individual freedoms. Hm, not being a dumbass, having liberties... what's next, democracy? We can't let the heathens have that, can we you pompous assholes?!

I don't care if you worship a giant talking penis; shut the hell up about it. Religion is just one of those things you don't talk about; especially when it's just small-talk to a store employee. Put down your shields and bibles, the Crusade is over.

Finally, I can't close this article without mentioning a quote from George Bush:

No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God.