Now That You Got Your Kids Back: Shut The Fuck Up!

If you've had the misfortune of tuning in to the catastrophe we call CNN lately, you would have undoubtedly heard the story of the boy who was kidnapped, and summarily rescued, within 4 days. So what? The parents got lucky that they got to see their kid again, in the same week no less. That's more of an "in your FACE" broadcast to the parents whose kids are still missing after years than a statement of good policemanship. By now, you're probably thinking "But Kobra, there was another kid who was rescued who had been abducted 2 years ago LOL!"

Yeah, what a poor young soul, eh? Left unsupervised to play computer games while his captor is talking to the cops withing plain view of the window he's sitting next to. Never mind the fact that, in two years, he never once tried to escape? This kid's story holds about as much water as Elizabeth Smart's did. If the cops are outside, and you've been held captive for all this time, what's to stop you from yelling "Help"? Nothing!

As if the dubious story of the first captive wasn't enough to set your bullshit detector off, just wait until you see where the second captive's bus stop was located: right in the middle of the fucking woods! Who in their right mind would let their kid walk through the middle of the woods, alone and unsupervised (on a daily basis) with no means to protect themselves?

Do you know what the leading cause of kidnapping is? Bad parenting. If you think that the five dollars a month you could save on gas to make your child walk cold and vulnerable to be crammed into a bus full of other kids is worth it, then by all means be a greedy son of a bitch. Just don't come crying to me when the shit hits the fan and your kid gets kidnapped.

As for the actual case, I say we just castrate the mother fucker and let him go. He'll eventually hang himself from the shame of being neutered, or get ass-raped by a big hairy trucker at a rest stop on his way to Quebec (because it's widely known that French people have barely any balls, so he'd fit right in with French Canadians). Either way, I don't care. I'm just sick about hearing about this goddamned news story!

771 parents cried themselves to sleep after realizing that I'm right.
Contact me: kobrasrealm@gmail.com

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