My Aunt Ruth had moved up to North Carolina after her son Eric and her dad (my grandpa Frank) died within a few months of each other. Just as we got adjusted to the silence of not having them around, we get news that Ruth's daughter, Shirley, was dead. As it turns out, it wasn't just Shirley that was dead, but her daughter Christina as well. The two of them died on two consecutive days, probably within hours of the other. Christina died from a car accident, while Shirley was strangled to death by a dubious asylum employee.
As a result, my Aunt Ruth came down and lived with my Aunt Loretta while waiting for the lawsuit against the state of North Carolina for Shirley's death to go through. During this time, Loretta kicked Ruth out of her house and Ruth moved into a house next door to my late Grandpa's house.
A few months ago, Ruth called Loretta asking her for some money because she needed food. Loretta, assuming that she was begging for drug money, basically told her to go fuck herself. A few days later, she died of heart failure due to malnutrition.
So my aunt Ruth was dead. The lawsuit fell onto her only surviving son's shoulders. What did her sisters do? After they threw a half-ass memorial together, they got together and decided that "we all need to pitch in to help Justin," Ruth's only surviving son. So my aunts from California all flew down to help the cause (These are the same aunts that screwed my dad out of ,000 ten years ago) because, hey! Justin's rich.
So at first, they tried to find a stooge to take care of Justin while they milked him of all of his money. I think the term "scapegoat" is appropriate. They called my dad and said "We need you to take care of Justin. Bullshit bullshit bullshit." My dad in turn told them "Hey, the kid's almost 18 years old. I already have an 18 year old son who's a handful and a half. Go to hell. Find someone else to dump your problem onto while you siphon his fortune away. And before you threaten me with it, I don't want any blood money. So, fuck you *click*!"
Since my aunts have selective hearing, they only heard the words "find someone else" and so they dumped it onto my Uncle Tom's shoulders. Now, my Uncle Tom is almost as awesome as my dad... only he doesn't have two kids of his own to take care of. So, naturally, he agreed to help Justin out even though he hated Ruth and blamed her for Grandpa's death.
Shortly after, Loretta shows my dad a letter from my Aunt Sarah that says "We all need to pitch in to help Tom out because he has a bad left leg." My dad laughed, and noted: "She didn't even get the right relative. I'm the one with a bad leg, not Tom. And it's my right leg. She should know this because she was one of my sisters who were arguing over whose name my Life Insurance was in when I got my leg injury." (Before my dad met my mom, he was run over by a truck and his leg was hanging off by a piece of tissue about half an inch thick. When they got the call saying "Your son might die", there was an uproar of "No. I should get all of his Life Insurance money!")
So today, as I was going to type up a semi-contrived update about how pointless it is to care about the opinions of others, my aunts Loretta and Sarah knock on the door. 'Lo and behold, they have my cousin Justin with them. They were looking for someone who would give Justin a job, because everyone knows that millionaires need to work for a living, right?
Oh wait, that's right! My aunts are planning on stealing all of his money and keeping it for themselves. Greedy fucking vultures! They probably convinced themselves that they're doing the right thing, but we all know that they are, deep down, motivated by their own selfish desires. The first fifteen years of my life can be described as a struggle against poverty, and you don't see me looking for a hand-out. Then again, you don't see me from profiting from the deaths of my relatives, either.
And the greatest irony in it all doesn't lie in the fact that my aunt Sarah makes over 0,000 a year, or the fact that my aunt Loretta has a salary that makes most computer analysts feel insufficient. It's the fact that every single one of them is a devout Catholic. Love thy neighbor, beware thy greed, etc. If there's a god, then he probably blames Loretta for Ruth's death. But how could a fair and just god allow a murderer to steal the victim's son's fortune, which is all that he has left to remember his close family?
Who cares. The point is that my family is filled with murderers, vultures, and drug addicts. My immediate family isn't perfect, but we've never let a family member starve to death, either. Ironically, they all call my dad, "the heathen," "the scumbag," etc. Yet you don't see him reaching into Justin's pockets. He isn't overextending himself for the illusionary possibility of never having to work again. Hell, he's already going to be drawing social security due to his health problems (which have been traced back to his initial injury where he got run over by a truck).
In conclusion, my aunts are all greedy, self-centered, narcissistic cunts and deserve to be robbed of all that they own. Boy, wouldn't that be poetic justice?
759 of my relatives excommunicated me for being right about this issue.
Contact me: kobrasrealm@gmail.com