When I turn on CNN, I expect to learn about earth-shaking international events and global concerns. CNN is only a few channels away from E! channel, after all. So it's safe to say that I'm bitterly disappointed when I turn on the tube and get greeted with, Paris Hilton has stopped crying. She is going to be writing a letter to thank all of her fans for their support.
How does Paris Hilton has stopped crying and is now writing a letter to her fans
impact the global economy? How is my life any better for hearing about it? A few weeks ago I pissed my friend Alyse off and she eventually stopped crying-- where's her plug on national television?
Let's face it: Lots of people cry when they go to jail. Then shortly afterward they get raped and shanked with a spoon. But that's not my point. The only reason Paris Hilton's face is all over my television screen is because her daddy's a billionaire and CNN is kissing his ass.
Boo fucking hoo. The bitch is locked away because she broke the law. JUSTICE IS SERVED! Lock the bitch up and throw away the key just like you would with any other scumbag criminal. If she really wants national attention that bad, why not execute her in front of all of her fans on pay-per-view? CNN is apparently desperate for advertising revenue if they're catering to the assholes who watch "entertainment news."
Those assholes are the ones who piss me off the most. Google has over 198,000 mentions of Paris Hilton and CNN at the time of this writing; and that number is only going to grow exponentially as more and more angsty teenage girls who look up to Paris Hilton as a symbol of shallowness whine about her unfair imprisonment
in their myspace.com blogs.
Maddox has already mentioned it before, but I'll be damned if I don't mention it again: CNN isn't news anymore. CNN has sold out to the fat cats of American politics and their producers are too concerned about more ratings than they are about getting the facts out.
As funny as this may sound, CNN could learn a lesson from CNN Headline News. Headline News-- while not much better than regular CNN-- says the story, followed by (maybe) a sentence or two, and then MOVES ON!
We really don't need your four minutes of unnecessary commentary; and we damn sure don't need the endless repetitive cycle of rehashed celebrity drama.
If Paris Hilton and her crack team of lawyers are reading this: stick your "ankle bracelet tracking device" up your herpes-infested ass and get the fuck off of my television screen. You can't ride the "My Daddy's Rich" card forever and one day you might have to develop a personality of your own.
As for CNN, it's beyond repair... not that the executives would want to repair it. No no, that would cut into their profit margin. After all, every celebrity gossip story moves them closer to that new yacht.
Further Reading:
A vast number of people have stumbled (pun intended) across this article since it was posted. If you like this and want to read more on Paris Hilton's bullshit, check out Why I Hate Celebrities by Chris.
