Once upon a time, I put a board up on Kobra's Realm to discuss doomsday theories because most people can't come up with a decent cause for the world to end in their RPG Maker mind-dumps projects and need a subtle nod towards realism. All too often I stumbled across book after book regarding the Mayan Calendar.

There are literally hundreds of college drop-out and would-be scientists cashing in on the speculation surrounding December of 2012 when their calendar supposedly ends. Not only does this piss me off because it's stupid; it also pisses me off because I can tell everyone exactly what will happen on this day.

(Spoiler Alert: The rest of this article may contain spoilers on the future and ruin the experience (or the lack thereof) for you and anyone who may be reading this over your shoulder.)

Nothing.

It's as simple as that: Nothing notable will occur on December 21, 2012. Maybe someone will commit suicide because of the holiday rush associated with Stressmas, but that happens every year so it amounts to nothing.

You're probably wondering how I know this. Am I psychic? Am I from the future? Am I using my Vice-Deity powers?

No, all wrong (except the last one... but it doesn't really apply here)-- the reason I can confidently say this is because I don't have my head shoved too far up my head to realize that alcoholic cannibals don't hold the key to a future that modern science cannot find.

These Mayan doomsayers are quick to predict our untimely apocalypse-- yet they completely ignore the fact that the calendar ends on a Winter Solstice and was probably relevant to Mayan religious rites that we have no documentation of because of the asshole Spaniards who burned all of their books.

So there: The world is not going to end on December 2012 and you are an idiot for buying all of those books. I hope people as stupid as you all die of cancer.