By redneck, I don't mean people who live in poverty yet are overflowing with pride for their country. I'm not talking about people who operate farms or work hard all day-- I mean the people who think they're a redneck because they watch Larry the Cable Guy, wear shirts with rebel flags on them, and drive pick-up trucks just because their heroes on CMT do.

Maybe it's because I grew up in a family that wasn't pro-conformity (or pro-incest for that matter), or maybe it's because I have more brain function than the late Terri Schiavo-- whatever the reason, I just don't understand redneck culture. The concept is just way too insipid for me to grasp. Here's why:

1. Confederate Flags

This speaks for itself, really. Everywhere you go, from schools to shopping malls to computer stores, you'll inevitably run into some dipshit wearing a shirt with a similar message to these two examples. You're probably thinking, "But Kobra. It's about Southern pride, not racism. So why does it matter?"

Dear Rednecks,

Anybody who objects about your constant flaunting of Confederate colors isn't offended because they are associating the rebel flag with racism-- they are objecting because you are wearing a symbol for treason and claiming to "Love your country."

Maybe you should read up on your history a little bit more. And by that, I mean at all.

Thank you,
Common Sense

I've said it before, and I'll be damned if I don't say it again: I can't STAND country music nowadays. It's refreshing to hear some Johnny Cash from time to time... but this "new country" is horse shit. Anybody can write a country song-- in fact, here's one I just pulled out of my ass:

My wife don't like me anymore.
She calls me a cheating good-for-____.
I shouldn't have touched that filthy whore.
So please bartender, hit me with one more.

Notice how the second line sacrificed its complete thought for the sake of rhyming and the general theme of the song is, "I'm a fucking loser; I'm gonna get drunk?"

Point proven: Today's country Music is shit. More David Allan Coe, please.

So yeah; trucks are useful for hauling shit. The downside? No passenger space.

With that in mind, does it not seem stupid to pop out 4 children and then have a pick-up truck as your primary only form of transportation instead of-- oh say, a minivan?

The whole pick-up truck fanaticism is rooted in the fact that these wanna-be rednecks spend all their time with their eyes glued to the television and they soak up the media's image of a redneck like a bone-dry sponge.

I have never once in my life met a wanna-be redneck who doesn't have a superiority complex. "Oh, I'm from the south, so I can immediately kick anyone's ass-- even though roughly half of the U.S. population is in the 'South.'" Yeah, doesn't make any sense to me either.

The most ironic thing about redneck culture is how they protest to be allowed to wear rebel flags in school; yet rednecks are the first to jump on the racism bandwagon. Let's face it-- how many Civil Rights protesters wore tight blue jeans, a trendy Dixie Outfitters T-Shirt, drove a pick-up truck covered with mud, and listened to country music? Not all media-idealized rednecks are racist-- but they're more prone to it since they already have the minimum ignorance required.

That's all there really is to say about them. Here's a little historical fact for you: During the Civil War, the Confederates were considered terrorists. Keep that in mind next time you call someone unpatriotic while wearing terrorist propoganda, you hypocritical twat.