Suggestions for Changing America

• Make education better.

Pouring money into education is not enough. We need to focus all our efforts on teaching kids basic critical thinking skills because people in our country just don't seem to have any. For high schoolers, we need to have an opt-in grading program. Instead of 40% of your grade coming from each quarter and 20% coming from the final exam, make it 25% for each quarter and 50% for the final exam. Let people focus on learning and not the repetitive homework assignments that don't teach the kids anything.

• Separate church and state completely.

Our government is secular; they need to deal with worldly issues in a universal, secular language. Religion needs to stay out of the science room, and nobody should be forced into a religious ritual in a public school.

However, I like the idea of an impartial religious studies elective that encompasses every major religion in chronological order; so long as it examines instead of preaches. (This class should also include satire religions, atheism, and humanistic philosophy.) For an end-of-the-year project, you could ask every student to create a religion based on the knowledge they've gained over the year. Wouldn't that be fun?

• Dealing with the loonies.

I think our country's network of insane asylums are going about dealing with the crazy people in our society all wrong. Here's what you do: Take all the people who are suffering with severe psychosis, and give them all jobs in stand-up comedy. I can see it now: "So I was talking to God the other day, and he told me to kill my family." Then take the rest of the crazy people, and put them in their own zoo; and make sure you get everything on film. This is some high-quality entertainment that the folks at home could be missing out on.

• Bring back public dueling!

Am I the only one who sees the lack of a public dueling arena in every major city as a travesty of justice? It would be a great way to solve personal disputes. However, we would need to make sure a few ground rules are in place:

1. Both parties must consent to the duel.
2. The duel must take place in a designated area.
3. Both parties must sign a release form allowing the people who own the stadium to film their duel and put it in a Greatest Deaths DVD.
4. The only modern weapon allowed is a pistol. No rifles. (It would be over too quick.)
5. Both parties must be at least... 13 years of age. Let's set the bar low and natural selection will take its course.

For an added bonus, you can use the ticket sales to fund Stem-Cell Research.

• Stop arresting and harassing peaceful protesters.

Every time a group of peaceful protesters gets arrested by the police, the USA moves one inch closer to becoming a totalitarian police state. Leave these fucking people alone. The government does enough damage without arresting people they disagree with, or breaking into protester's homes, pointing semiautomatic rifles in the faces of their children, and stealing their computers.