A Few Random Observations and Grievances

• "Earthy Flavor."

I was in Wal-Mart the other day, listening to one of the infomercials they broadcast on their televisions in lieu of paying attention to the other shoppers when I heard one of the pompous actors comment on the product they were selling: "It gives it a real earthy flavor."

Think about this for a second. Some dipshit is selling you a beverage with the words "real earthy flavor" in the sales pitch. Do you know what else has a real earthy flavor?



Your mocca terra doesn't sound so good now, does it chump?

• Lazy, middle-aged people returning to college.

I share an English class this semester with a bunch of 30-something crybabies who whine every time our professor assigns anything. "But Ms. Johnson, we can't do an essay! It's Superbowl weekend!" Since when does an entire weekend need to be dedicated to a shitty four-hour pile of commercialist bullshit and pointless running around in a rectangle? Don't want to squander your Superbull Shitday on obtaining the degree you decided 10 years after graduating high school that you desperately need? Drop out. Nobody's going to hand you your fucking degree. If I have to work for it, so do you. College professors who pass their lazy students do them a tremendous disservice.

Even worse are the pretentious ageist bastards who think that their age and experience necessarily translates to wisdom and knowledge. You can spot these bastards because they're the ones holding their nose in the air as they walk by you on their way to remedial English.

• CNN Bloggers.

Do you know what I love more than watching the same 15 minute loop of the same damn news stories without any deviation every time I punish my curiosity by turning on CNN? Reading the asshat reporters write about the same boring stories during the commercial breaks on their shitty blogs. I have nothing better to do with my time than sit on my couch with one eye glued to the television all day long and the other glued to my laptop in case Wolf Blitzer or Anderson Cooper decides to ejaculate a paragraph during the commercial break.



Hey, I got an idea. Call me crazy, but it would seem that if you're on the air, and you think something needs to be said, it would make sense to JUST FUCKING SAY IT ALREADY! Why does a CNN reporter with an hour of airtime to kill need to blog about his job during the commercials? It's not like these jerk-offs ever post anything on their blogs unsuitable for minors. You never see a nice set of tits or a gory photo of the latest suicide bomber on their blogs. What's my goddamn incentive to read them? Are there really people that are so curious about what goes on behind the scenes at CNN and so shallow that they feel compelled to follow the reporters' actions every waking moment of their lives? You're suffocating the poor bastards.

• Bleeding Heart Label-alls.

The more logical, rational, and charitable that people act, the more likely they are to be called a liberal. Whether or not the person's political views are liberal at all, they seem to attract this label. This says a lot about the quick-to-judge, "for us or against us" mindset of many self-identified conservatives.