Fed Up, Tired, and Pissed Off

I'm tired of people saying Jesus died for my sins. If he did, I better sin more so his death wasn't in vain. I'll start by killing you, raping your wife, worshiping Baal, working on Saturday, telling my parents that I don't respect them, stealing a car, and staring at breasts in public.

I'm tired of the media cashing in on tragedy. Every time an earthquake hits a densely-populated area with poor construction standards, I guarantee that not only will they have some jerk-off sticking a microphone in everyone's face instead of helping, but also that the news anchors will mention the disaster every 30 seconds.

I'm tired of people who email me to say that I shouldn't express my opinion. Why? Are you offended? Click the little X in the corner of the screen. Unless you're using a Mac, in which case you should format your hard drive. Anyone who uses a Mac and experiences butthurt over what some asshole writes on the internet is obviously too stupid to use their Mac productively. Why not use Windows like the rest of the idiots?

I'm tired of people telling me I should allow them to post comments on my rants. What these clowns really mean to say is, "Hey, you should let me ejaculate a one-liner and drop a link to my 'Make Money Online' blog." Fuck your blog, fuck your "Nice article," and fuck you! I'm not here to make your link-building schemes convenient, asshole. This isn't Blog Catalog.

I'm tired of unenlightened assholes calling me a "Maddox ripoff." It's been almost three years, guys. Is that the best you can come up with? Fine, I'll play along. How many pages have I copied from Maddox and posted on Kobra's Corner? Zero. Is my design based on Maddox's? No. Am I even using any design aspects that Maddox uses (apart from the obvious: Using HTML, etc.)? Nope. So where does the rip-off part come in? To date, I have never once been accused of ripping off George Carlin or Jonathan Swift; only Maddox. Why Maddox? Because people are too stupid and intellectually lazy to compete with my superior smart-assery, so they hurl a weak insult and run away-- hoping that nobody notices their cop-out.

I'm tired of hearing people argue about abortion, race, stem-cell research, and all the other bullshit that makes up the average American political discussion board. None of these assholes ever consider the possibility of being wrong. If you're not open to the ideas presented by the other side, why bother to participate? What good does arguing do? It's not like the loonies who think tossing a pipe-bomb at a doctor the day after lobbying to have the 10 Commandments placed in the courthouse is a moral action are going to treat their views with any skepticism.

I'm tired of people who never admit they have lost a debate. In their minds, the debate is never really quite over. It's just on hold for the time. Well guess what: You fucking lost! You're a loser, and I've been a loser on more than one occasion. How do you think I outgrew Christianity? Or homophobia? Admitting defeat is also a great postponement tactic: It gives you the opportunity to do research and start your flawed logic all over again with a clean slate. Why aren't more people doing it?

I'm tired of short-term memory loss. Also known as-- ah, fuck!

I'm tired of movie characters who act predictably to circumstance. Why don't people ever question the honesty or validity of what the other characters say? A good example of what I mean is the movie, The Dark Knight (2008). The Joker (the main villain) rigs two boats with explosives and tells the people on each boat that they have the other boat's detonator. Of course, everyone takes the words of an infamous psychopathic murderer as canon. Why do people not think, "Hmm, what if this detonator goes to our own ship? If we press the button, we die and the psychopath gets to spout a one-liner about irony. Seems rather characteristic." You see this all the time in Hollywood, and it's the consequence of lazy writing.

I'm tired of people who talk about high school sports. Don't you dildo-lickers have a life? Who gives a shit if a group of seventeen year-olds managed to run into a rectangle or not? When one of these football games produces the cure for AIDS, I might give a damn. Until then, take your pig-skin and shove it up your ass.

I'm tired of science being set back by superstition. Stem cell research receives little-to-no federal funding in the United States of America because of our moronic President's religious beliefs and poor understanding of biology. The Large Hadron Collider at CERN keeps receiving lawsuits from paranoid morons with a limited knowledge of Physics who think slamming a few protons together is going to destroy the universe. And this hasn't happened yet, but eventually some idiot "numerologist" is going to freak out and try to ban Calculus for fear of causing the Apocalypse. I wish I'm exaggerating.

I'm tired of men who write dating advice columns, because they always put the pussy on a pedestal. "How to Make a Woman Laugh in Six Easy Steps," eh? Here's how to make a woman laugh in one: Pull down your pants. Making women laugh doesn't deserve a category of its own. It's no more difficult to make a woman laugh than it is to make a man laugh (and if she's interested in you, it's easier!). Put the fucking pen down and go try your bullshit advice on a woman who isn't a total whore. You'll end up empty-handed like every other shallow idiot in the room. Well, maybe not empty-handed.

I'm tired of people who throw a famous person's religion in the middle of a discussion. "Einstein was a Christian." Who gives a fuck? Not only is that statement a lie, but it has no bearing on me. I don't worship Einstein. Even if he was a Christian, so what? Einstein's not perfect. He's been dead for a while, and science has moved forward to discover just how right and wrong he was. Infinite universe, anyone? These assholes also like to mention that Stalin was an atheist. Hey, I don't collect stamps. Do you? No? Then how much sense would it make if my unhobby was attributed to a crime I committed in the name of politics?

Remember, the only slippery slope is the average intelligence of the gene pool if these assholes are allowed to procreate.