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I don't like taking sides when it comes to partisan politics, because I believe that both of America's political parties are worthless collections of corrupt, selfish, ignorant assholes who generally don't give a fuck about the people they represent. But for the past year or so, I've been hearing the same bullshit phrase parroted by mindless conservative frauds all across the country, and my patience for said conservatives is wearing especially thin. Today, I'm going to show the more conservative of my readers why the phrase "traditional values" is horse shit.
First, ask yourself, "Traditional values; what does that even mean?" It's one of those empty phrases used by unthinking medianettes to try to pull your heartstrings and get you to take sides on a specific issue. A phrase in the same vein is "family values." What the holy fuck does that mean? And what makes you so special that you feel that it's worth mentioning on a pulpit in front of 5,000 people? Are you arrogant enough to think your values and beliefs about family units are significantly superior to all of those people? No, it's just a vapid, ambiguous phrase that sounds good and tells people nothing. "I believe in traditional and family values." Wow, round of applause! This guy can say things that appeal to our impressionable psychologies. Change the fucking channel.
Some conservatives get specific. They'll say, "I believe in a traditional definition of marriage," or in some other way misuse a culture-specific appeal to tradition to sidestep the atrocities they're condoning. If this sounds like you, pay close attention: There is nothing special or wonderful about your bullshit traditions.
Tradition, by definition, is an act, practice, or belief passed on from previous generations. Tradition can be thought of as the default setting from Windows 3.1 on a Windows 7 computer. Traditions are useful when you're too lazy or uncreative to find a new solution to a problem, so you just do what the idiots who preceded you did and drag your knuckles on the ground a little in the process. Tradition mixes well with the, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!" philosophy. But therein lies the problem: Many of the conservative morons who hold that philosophy stubbornly refuse to acknowledge when it's broken. So nothing ever gets fixed. (Liberal morons, on the other hand, stubbornly try to fix things that aren't broken; so countless resources are expended on pointless maintenance. Either way we get screwed.)
Tradition may work for some people (you lazy uncreative bastards), but there is no inherent value in tradition— especially when it's tradition blindly for the sake of tradition. Therefore, shut the hell up and find a new buzzphrase to echo off each other you spineless impressionable fucking vultures. "Traditional values" is a stupid phrase and you should feel stupid for using it in public.
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