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If you haven't heard of the Da Vinci Code controversy, allow me to educate you: Above a sea of needless controversy about a fictional book[1], the Catholic Church's Archbishop Angelo Amato took it to a whole new level of bullshit when he called for a boycott of the film adaptation of a fictional book.
This was 2006; old news right? Wrong. To this day, there are websites across the internet condemning this book (and its film adaptation) and some go as far as to threaten people with eternal arson from their oh-so-loving God (here's one example) if you so much as watch the movie out of curiosity.
It is for this reason-- the modern-age censorship and adversity to independent thinking exemplarized by the Catholic Church-- that I have put together this succinct ruination of the Church's so-called "Holy" book.
- The Bible isn't the greatest story ever told.
It honestly pisses me off when Bible-thumpers try to claim that "the Bible is the greatest story ever told" and then refuse to accept that it's a work of fiction. Besides that, The Epic of Gilgamesh is miles more fascinating than the Holy Bible. I recommend that anyone with enough spare time reads it; it's a good read. Which leads into the next item on my checklist of ass-kickery:
- Much of the Bible is "borrowed" from other ancient religions.
Here's some historical perspective for you: Easter was a pagan celebration[2] and much of the story of Jesus's life was plagiarized from the Zoroastrian god Mithra[3][4][5] as well as other ancient savior gods.
In addition, there are many parallels to the Torah (which is the first 5 books of the Bible) and the previously-mentioned Epic of Gilgamesh[6].
If there was any truth behind these absurd beliefs, it was stolen from older religions.
- The Bible offers little advancement in morality.
Despite the historical plagiarism and lack of evidence in favor of Christianity, church leaders try to avoid the issue by saying that the church (not just the Catholic Church, either) promotes general morality and is therefore a necessary part of life.
The reality is that these people are so full of shit that their eyes are brown.
- The Bible is not a source of advice or wisdom.
In God's Debris, Scott Adams wrote: "People think they follow advice but they don't. Humans are only capable of receiving information." Since the Bible was written thousands of years ago when people believed the Earth was flat and the moon emitted light (by the way: the moon only reflects light), the information it contains is archaic and, in most cases, not applicable to modern society.
- The Bible is full of historical inaccuracies.
There's too many historical inaccuracies in the Bible to list them all, but here's a start:
Three of those links are on a website called The Other Bible; the best starting place for verifying the historicity of the Bible that I could find.
Biblical wisdom is an oxymoron.
Before anyone bothers to send me a hate-filled email to curse me and threaten me with being immolated for eternity by your kind and loving God, check all the sources I cited and do a little research (after all, one source is never enough).
To the Catholic Church: Who's a bigger threat to your insecurities and your lies now: Dan Brown or me? Go ahead and tell all of your worshipers to boycott my website if that's what gets you guys off (y'know, other than children).
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