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I hate people who use drugs because they think they look cool. You know the type; they walk around smelling like they just crawled out of a fireman's ass, wearing bongs on their necklaces. They always talk about "the good shit" that, since they can't get a real job, they will never be able to afford.
The epitome of cool? I think not.
If this sounds like you, pay special attention to what I'm about to say: You are, beyond a shadow of a doubt, a fucking idiot. Re-read the bold print until it sinks into your thick, smoke-filled skull of yours.
I don't see what's so cool about drugs. Kill brain cells AND pay for it? You people are obviously too stupid to understand basic human logic, so our only course of action is this: Legalize drugs.
That's right. Legalize every one of them; without age restrictions, too!
Once drugs become legal (and more expensive, of course), they'll lose their appeal to the hordes of pubescent teenagers who need to compensate for their tiny penises by smoking pot and shooting heroin; forcing these morons will be to move on to better and deadlier things to assert their superiority.
By moving on to deadlier things, the mortality rate of teenagers will skyrocket, leaving only the select few of us who aren't stupid enough to jump off a bridge just because it's what the "cool" kids are doing.
I believe scientists would call this idea "unnatural selection." By killing off the gun toting, hip gangsta' wanna-bes (and whatever else emerges in the future), I'll have less incompetency to deal with in the now and less bullshit to listen to in the future.
As an added bonus, gang violence should bottom out to a manageable level (and swift execution should take care of the rest).
The only flaw I can foresee in this plan is that a few smart people might inadvertently get killed as a result of the unwashed masses, but you have to break a few eggs to make an omelet.
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