I was in a check-out lane at Wal Mart, waiting behind a nasty old couple writing a check to the Illegal immigrant cashier, when my MP3 Player's battery died. With no end to my sudden boredom in sight, I glanced around the room looking for something to distract me from the stupidity before me. After 5 seconds, I reached a point of desperation and reached for the magazine rack. What I discovered before me is too horrible for words to succinctly describe.

The entire magazine rack was filled with the same useless information about people you will never meet or care about. If the fact that there's a market for this trivial knowledge and insights into the sex lives of pretentious actors isn't enough to make you wish for a full-scale doomsday, try staring at the front cover for an extended period of time. 9 times out of 10, some dipshit will walk up to you and start talking about how "Matt is out of the closet," "Janet is sleeping with Brian," and other stuff that means nothing to anybody with a functioning brain.

There's something I've always wondered about the people who lap this shit up like the 2girls1cup stars: HOW do you know who the hell anybody is talking about?

If you've ever suffered the mental trauma of reading a celebrity magazine, the authors automatically assume that the reader is on a first name basis with every celebrity to ever live; even disregarding the fact that there are multiple actors with the name "Brittany" or "Ashley."

If anyone knows the answer to why people go out of their way to be an idiot, feel free to drop me an email.