"I couldn't help it; it was the peer pressure."

The phrase peer pressure one of those phrases that isn't stupid in and of itself, but that doesn't stop stupid people from using it as a cop-out every chance they get. If you fuck up and get stoned, drunk, or indicted for rape, you only did it because everyone else told you to do it, right?

WRONG!

If you're too much of a crybaby dipshit who doesn't have enough balls to stand up to your friends when they collectively suggest an idea so stupid that it elevates irrational thought to an artform, you deserve what you get. You're not peer-pressured; you're an ass-goblin who lacks the capability of independent thought!

"You can't say things like that; they're not politically correct!"

"Politically correct" was nothing more than a straw-man argument for people to use against easily-offended crybabies, but now the aforementioned soaked twats use this term to justify their incessant bitching.

People who complain when things aren't "politically correct"-- often involving unimportant matters such as the name of a sports team-- never pause their endless omnidirectional blast of Grade A bullshit to wonder if the people they're "defending" even give a shit about the so-called offensive phrase/gesture/statement.

Anyone who goes out of their way to be "politically correct" (or the equally imbecilic phrase, "politically sensitive") is an idiot.

"I try to be open-minded about everything-- including things I disagree with."

What do you call someone who is 100% open-minded in every conceivable way? Naive.

I don't condone being close-minded (at all), but anyone who makes it their mantra to be open-minded is either in denial or inexperienced at life. You have to be at least slightly close-minded about some things; otherwise you would just believe whole-heartedly everything that anyone ever tells you (thus enveloping you in a mass of hypocrisy). If you have your own views, convictions, beliefs, or personality, then you are close-minded on some level.

Even if you disagree with that last paragraph, you're close-minded somewhere. Shut the hell up and find a new motto, asshole.

"Be nice!"

Be nice? Sure, I'll put it on the to-do list right after you get bent. Nice is a condition which men feign in order to make their wives stop bitching at them. Since I lack a wife (or a girlfriend), I have no incentive to be nice and therefore will continue to be an asshole to you and everyone you hold dear.

"You've gotta give respect before you can get it!"

I would say it takes a lot of integrity to earn my respect, but the truth is all you have to do is prove to me that you aren't an obnoxious dumbass or an over-authoritative nobody to keep yourself out of the "Don't give a shit" category. It should come as no surprise that very few people manage to hold onto this honor.

However, there are people out there (authority figures, usually) who believe that people should show them respect before they're obligated to reciprocate (which in most cases, they don't). This paradoxical thinking is why I have to deal with rude assholes on a daily basis.

If you're going to be a disrespectful piece of shit (I'm looking at YOU, substitute teachers and policemen), don't demand respect from the people you try to walk on; you'll only receive a boot up your ass.

"Let's talk this over and work out our common differences."

Yawn. More psycho-babble from television talk-shows whose hosts seem to think a degree in psychology means anything outside of the unemployment line.

Talk it over? Why? I already know you're an idiot; what more is there to talk about? Get lost.

One time I decided to talk things over with someone I couldn't stand and they ended up on the brink of tears when I was done verbally ripping them a new asshole. I haven't talked to that person since then, so I guess "talking it out" isn't a bad idea if you're an asshole like me. (Bonus points if the other person is suicidal.)