The Immature Dipshit Checklist

• Chat with your shallow friends incessantly; even when someone is trying to address a large number of people and your bullshit is drowning them out.
• Try to make someone feel ostracized by stopping in your tracks and walking around them-- because you're too cool to walk within 5 feet of someone and must therefore go out of your way to look like a brain-dead mouth-breather.
• Drive the wrong way on a one-way street.
• Go to the nearest high school and park in the drop-off lane; even though there's a parking lot 10 feet away.
• Walk up and make punching gestures at unsuspecting people and then complain when they backhand you.
• Try to start conversations halfway through the school year with someone who doesn't like you (or your doppelganger friends) and is desperately trying to ignore you and everyone else in the room.
• Answer rhetorical questions with irrelevant answers. For example: "This fucking TV never works; why is that?" "Nobody's listening to you." "I wasn't asking you, you self-aggrandizing bitch!"
• Talk about sex-- and nothing else-- every time you're within earshot of a virgin in a vain attempt to feel more secure about your social status.
• Ask random people if Jesus is their homeboy.
• Tie someone's shoelaces together in gym class and pull their pants down-- while calling them gay.
• Ask people about their clothing-- because it matters where they got their shirt.
• Use the words, "like," "totally," or "whatever" more than seven times in under ten seconds.
• Whisper something to your peers, then simultaneously turn and look at someone; followed by group laugher.
• In reference to the previous list item; deny talking about them behind their back immediately afterwards.
• Call someone stupid for telling a joke that flew way over your simple mind. (XKCD has the monopoly on these.)
• Laugh obnoxiously loud every time a popular person and/or athlete opens their mouth, but give a blank stare when someone says something that has comedic value. (This goes hand-in-hand with the previous one.)
• Spray people with cologne in the locker room while accusing them of being rancid when they step out of the shower and apply deodorant everyday.
• Regurgitate political talk-show bullshit every time someone makes the mistake of discussing politics around someone as intellectually vapid as you.
• Give yourself a douchebag point for each and every time you enlisted the assistance of another imbecile to help you trip someone because you're too much of a limp-dick to do it yourself.
• In order to get over a failed relationship, drive around their place of employment blasting loud music for hours on in.
• Use Myspace or text messages as your medium for death threats.
• Ask intelligent people stupid things. For example, "Hey, how do I hack my neighbor?"
• Drive fast, loud, and pointlessly stupid.
• Join a self-consuming vortex of hypocrisy like GodHatesAmerica.com.
• Send emails to complete strangers scolding them about something they wrote on their personal website that you have no right to bitch about because you were too lazy to press a button.
• Drive pick-up trucks purposefully into mud puddles to accent your "Confederate flag" decal and your mass-produced redneck image.
• Try to hack websites using well-known exploits such as "SQL Injection."
• Go for a drive to wear off the entire bottle of Tequila and the four shots of Vodka you just drank.
• Thumb pages down on toolbars such as StumbleUpon in an attempt to reconcile the butthurt they cause you (thumbing a page up, reviewing it "THUMB THIS DOWN!!!" and waiting for your friends/fans to follow suit is more efficient because you get more thumbs downs and cut traffic off completely).

Note: Only about two or three of the items on the list were attempted on me-- for good reason.