Too Much Spare Time? Register to Vote!

Then how about getting your large ass up out of the computer chair, running down to the election office, and registering to vote?

If you want your opinion to matter to anyone, not only should you vote but you should also know who you're voting for and why! My great-grandmother, who is in her eighties, is probably going to vote for Hillary Clinton just because she's a woman. Good for her, but when you have an entire legion of dipshits who are basing their entire vote off of shallow reasoning, you have an epidemic.

Right now, I want you to walk to a random location (where there are people) and ask them who they're voting for. If you don't get an answer, punch them in the jaw for being a bastard hippy who doesn't register to vote. If you do get an answer, ask them, "Why? Which of his/her policies appeals to you the most?" If they mention something broad like health care, point out every other candidate who has the same view and ask again. Keep asking until you get an informed opinion or they respond with a sentence such as, "Dipshit really speaks out to me because he is for health care, abortion, and health tax cuts; and against illegal immigration, globalization, and bullshit."

Why do all this? Because I'm sick of being surrounded by misinformed, lazy idiots who are sullying the reputation of respectable, proud Americans everywhere (and I'm positive that I'm not alone on this). Either you get off your asses and learn about the world around you (it only takes about 20 minutes on Wikipedia to find enough sources to make an informed decision), or I bust you in the face with a guisarme. The choice is yours!