Homecoming Week is, in a nutshell, an annual (that means "yearly," in case you live in Lee County, Florida) event in which the alumni go batshit insane and drag the local high school students into their circle-jerk of living vicariously through their favorite sports team.

An Alumni is a high-school graduate who visits every high school football game because they lack any semblance of a job, hobby, or failing that, anything else to preoccupy their time.

A Job is something that every alumni desperately lacks.

Brain - See job.

School Spirit is a phenomenon in which over 1,000 (but not 9,000) high school students decide to act like a total jackass "in support of our football team" because running around without a shirt, spray-painted red, and holding a sign that says "CLASS OF 'XX" will somehow allow our quarterback to make that decisive touchdown.

The Homecoming Dance is the only somewhat tolerable event that occurs on this week; and only if you have a date. Don't buy into that "You don't have to have a date" nonsense; it's just a lie to sell the tickets to undersexed shrills. Seriously. Date or GTFO (Get the fuck out).

The Homecoming Court is a collection of students elected by the social elite as pretentious enough to represent the entire school.

The Homecoming Tradition is supposed to be a feast or a party for when the alumni return from college. In reality, it's when old crones and soon-to-be-failures get together and watch borderline homo-erotic sports events and go home to cry themselves to sleep because they pissed their life away on something trivial that nobody will remember or appreciate instead of going to college and doing something worthwhile.

The Homecoming Game is a bore-a-thon. The time pissed away watching a bunch of jocks run around with a piece of leather could be better spent masturbating; especially since nobody will question your sexuality afterwards.