You're probably thinking, "Kobra, how are you going to fix something so completely broken in one step? It's impossible." Prepare to be corrected so hard your word processor will never give you red squiggly lines again:

Solution: Incorporate Pornography.

Think about it; if you cut all the emotional crying scenes, incessant dramatic pauses, shitty background orchestra, and the majority of the romantic happy horse-shit, you'd have 35 minutes out of an hour to fill. Why not fill it with sex scenes to give the viewer an incentive to watch your watered-down horse shit?

Before you object to this idea because of how "degrading" pornography is; consider the following: Japan is an extremely sexually-open culture and has one of the lowest violent crime rates in the world. If pornography was so degrading to our morality, it would be tremendously higher.

I'm not saying they all should incorporate hardcore lesbian bondage porn, either (although I wouldn't object). Straight up missionary position would be enough to get most people to watch it.

But even if they incorporated pornography into soap operas, it wouldn't be the same experience as a porn movie. It would be kinda like reading Cosmopolitan but instead of make-up ads and boring text, you'd have diet pill ads and boring romantic overtones.

As silly as this idea may sound, it's miles better than sitting there bored to tears wondering how any sane, rational human being can care that Milo cheated on Tanya. If you disagree, feel free to take time from your daily sulking and fantasizing to send me a poorly-written hate email.